between away and gone

the freedom lied in the serenity of the dirt underneath my fingernails
damp hair from the cold currents
and old sweat resting on sun soaked skin
smoke in my bee stung eyes
and rocky imprints on dirty soles
no pretenses
just us
and the great starry-eyed view of somewhere else
drenched in rain
and moved by wind
where the moments flew freely by
just long enough for fingertip grazes
and soft blown kisses
negative space upon my hands
filled with parted lips
closer to the earth than I ever was to my hungry heart
where strangers were the best company
where the rabbits darted back and forth
and the field mice came to visit
and the crows called the morning
and the bald eagle soared
where I was unwaveringly happy
and for the first time
I didn't have to question it
my limbs were sore
but nothing hurt
nothing hurt where I was
between away and gone

pretty as not

I used to remind my hand that my a's were ugly
that the only beautiful a's were the ones with the top half
a graceful soft curve that made it seem better 
somewhat untouchable
somewhat other in a good way
somewhat more
I willed my pencil to move differently
because if my a's were ugly
I reasoned the rest of my alphabet was too